Let’s Cancel Christmas!

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Santa & Mrs. Claus still have that spark!

Santa & Mrs. Claus still have that spark!

I owe all of you a HUGE apology.  A lot of the controversy currently surrounding Christmas, some of the traditions and old time Christmas carols falls solely on my shoulders.  Last year I wrote an article for this blog entitled “Creepy Christmas Carols.” In this article I talked about the song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” and referred to it as the date rape song.  I mentioned “Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer” and how it exemplified bullying at it’s best.  Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer and We Wish You a Merry Christmas were all discussed for their questionable  content.  (You may want to refresh your memory by rereading said article, because, as with all of my writing, it’s brilliant.  And OBVIOUSLY, cutting edge.)

I Didn’t Know My Own Power…..

In bringing up all of the aforementioned songs, I was joking.  It was meant to be sarcastic.  BUT……….. alas…… being the HUGE SOCIAL INFLUENCER  that I am, it’s now obvious to me that people took me seriously, and started the campaign against these well loved and old time Christmas Carols!  My article obviously had not gone viral last year to the point that we needed to pull the songs from the radio in the 2017 Holiday season, but at the very onset of this Christmas season all of America was in an uproar over the contents of these songs! Radio stations have banned playing the songs. Baby It’s Cold Outside is now the song associated with date rape throughout the country.  Rudolph’s name will be forever linked with all of those who have been bullied in life!

It’s my fault! The “serious minded” in the country obviously didn’t understand my sarcastic sense of humor!

But let’s not let this trend stop here! There are still FAR more holiday songs and traditions that need to be removed from the season ASAP!  People still have a LOT to be offended about!

Just last week we had our home holiday party. Don dressed as Santa, and I dressed as Mrs. Claus.  Throughout the day, Don would look at me and say “HO HO HO!”  Did he not realize how offensive it was for him to call me that, especially in front of our friends?  Not to mention, I no longer fit the title of Ho, because since we have been together I have been walking the straight and narrow and have given up my “Ho-ey” ways…..

Don had 2 "Mrs. Claus'" to Ho, Ho, Ho to!

Don had 2 “Mrs. Claus'” to Ho, Ho, Ho to!

Most Christmas Songs Are Offensive…..

Then, before you know it, White Christmas comes on!  How offensive is this song to our black brothers, our Asian friends, many other cultures?  Is Christmas only for the privileged white people?  Offensive!  Completely offensive!

Sisters, sisters, never were there such devoted sisters!

“Sisters, sisters, never were there such devoted sisters!”  Straight from the offensive Christmas Song, White Christmas!

 

We Three Kings ……… SO sexist!  Are there only Kings?  No reigning Queens to go visit the Christ Child?  And is it just men who are wise? What are we women?  A bunch of dumb blondes?  They should definitely ban this one from the airwaves too! The sexism is blatant!  Not to mention, is it socially correct to call it “the orient” any longer?

And what about Frosty the Snowman?  He is obviously promoting smoking to vulnerable young children. Many of the Christian denominations don’t believe in dancing, and magic is a definite no-no, yet there is Frosty, wearing a magic hat and dancing around, offending the Baptist at every turn of his heel!

Silver Bells delights in Christmastime in the city.  But what about those who live in the country? Are they left  completely out of the holiday festivities?  There seems to be a definite prejudice here, another inequality that just can’t be tolerated. If you aren’t a city dweller this song makes it obvious that you have no worth, you have no reason to celebrate the holiday.  I am offended for all the farmers, all the country folks, all the small town families.  The song definitely needs to be banned from the season.

Last year I mentioned the  gold digger in Santa Baby, who is obviously using her womanly whiles to get Santa to leave her more than her fair share of holiday gifts!  In light of the “me too” movement, just think how much MORE offensive this song is!  It is promoting sexual harassment at its best!

It’s pretty clear to all that the song Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer is a clear case of elder abuse.  You can’t just go around running over senior citizens all willy-nilly and then sing about it as though nothing is wrong here! Christmas morning is going to be a bit dismal when Grandma is lying dead due to a renegade reindeer! This song also promotes drinking to excess and walking home. What are we teaching our children here? You’d think that Grandma could have learned drinking in moderation by her age, and imagine the whole family sitting by while off she staggers into the snow on her own!  Had no one heard of Uber or Lift?  Grandma could have gotten a WWI with this situation!  (Walking While Intoxicated.)  Not to mention Santa, with the hit and run manslaughter charges. Does he even own up to what he has done?  (Rudolph may not have been leading the charge on this particular Christmas, otherwise the red nose would have probably lit up grandma before the deadly deed occurred!)

Speaking of reindeer, and back to the Rudolph song, we don’t just have a problem here with bullying, there is a very definite strain of prejudice, once again playing out there.  EVERY SINGLE ONE of the animals pulling Santa’s sleigh are Reindeer!  No other species is represented in the song!  What’s wrong with zebras, horses, jackasses, unicorns or mules?  Aren’t they good enough for the fat ol’ guy? Prejudice at it’s best!

God Rest Ye’ Merry Gentlemen…… again, with the sexism!  Sure, the merry gentlemen get to rest during the holiday season, feet up, beer in hand, watching a football game, while we gals are cooking, baking Christmas cookies, cleaning, shopping for the gifts, whipping up the Christmas cheer, handling the kids with their sugar highs and multi-tasking like a whirling dervish.  Are WE allowed to rest?  No, just the merry gentlemen are getting the comfort and joy in this jolly tune!

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth might offend a meth addict who has lost their teeth.  How would you like to be poked fun at if you had a serious addiction?  We need to be far more tolerant of others’ problems, addictions and loss of teeth!

Then there is the old standard, Oh Come All Ye Faithful…. This one leaves out people who aren’t believers of Jesus as the Christ child.  How about including everyone?

The Twelve Days of Christmas is a strange one all the way around. Her true love is sending a REALLY strange set of gifts, the strangest being whole groups of HUMANS. First it starts out with all sorts of birds being sent, which I’m sure is offensive to animal rights activists. Then, groups of people are being sent. Eleven pipers piping? Ten lords a leaping?  Eight maids a milking? Who wants to be responsible for eight lactating women, large groups of men, dancers all over the house. Who would be responsible for feeding and housing this cast of dozens of strangers? Let’s just stick to tried and true Christmas gifts like jewelry, clothing and other trinkets, thank you very much.

The prejudice, scandal, sexism and offensive points just go on and on! Once you look closely you will realize that there is hardly a holiday song you can think of that is “offense free!”  This has got to stop! ALL CHRISTMAS MUSIC SHOULD BE BANNED IMMEDIATELY!

If you are familiar with the hysterical JP Sears, you’ll love his recent video about Baby It’s Cold Outside.

Offensive Christmas Songs: It’s More Than Just The Music!

But it’s not just the SONGS involved with the holiday season that are so offensive! Heck no!  It goes MUCH further than that! The fact that some of us still refer to them as Christmas songs is a BIG no-no right there!  They should be “Holiday Songs.”

The decorations, the traditions, the festivities……… ALL build layer upon layer of offensive-ness to the lives of Americans!

My sister lives in a condominium building in Arizona.  In their lobby is a Christmas tree AND a menorah, trying to represent both sides of the “holiday fence.” Alas, to go a step further, a few menorah decorations were put on the tree.  One of the Christians in the building had a complete melt-down that menorah decorations would be on the tree!  I’m guessing that there was also some Jewish grandmother who couldn’t BELIEVE they would put a menorah on a Christian Christmas tree.  (Thank goodness this was equally offensive to both sides of the “holiday fence.”) Of course, those that celebrate Kwanza were offended that no Kwanza decorations were put up in the lobby to represent them……..

People are offended that Santa is considered a male, and isn’t “gender neutral!” Well, too bad that he is derived from a MALE Saint in the first place!  For the love of God, let’s just forget that and give his sexuality a make-over and make him gender neutral! After all, we are moving right into 2019 and both women AND men have a right to see Santa in their public bathrooms!  Check out what people in The Big Apple have to say about a gender neutral Santa… 

Mrs. Claus sexually harrassing Don

I guess Mrs. Claus is sexually harassing this poor guy! Maybe they will want me in next year’s Macy’s parade as the first “gender neutral” Santa!

Then there is the old movie A Christmas Story.  People don’t want that played any longer because it also promotes bullying!  Yep! There is a fight in the movie, and we all know that fights just don’t happen in real life, every incidence of fights between kids is a definite result of bullying!  But people have missed some of the other GLARING problems with the movie! If you remember the main point of the movie, little Ralphie wants, more than anything, a Red Rider BB Gun!  HOW OFFENSIVE to give this small boy a GUN!  The movie should be banned just on that offensive point alone!  Then, to add insult to injury, the boy receives a bunny costume for a gift!  I find it offensive that he should be dressed as yet another character that has SO many concepts that could be offensive to people!  (Let’s not even get started on Easter.  It has it’s own whole level of offensiveness!) Then, adding further to the many offensive things in this movie, the family ends up having to eat Christmas dinner in a Chinese restaurant. The blatant mispronunciation of  English is offensive to all Asians who have trouble pronouncing their “R’s”…..“Deck the Halls with bows of Whorey“…..

Gift giving and gift buying is another part of the holiday that is offensive to people.  Your budget might be tighter than my budget. Let’s think about this.  How unfair is this?  If little Tommy gets more gifts than little Mary (who may have started out life as little Timmy, but doesn’t sexually identify with being Timmy, so she is now Mary), how do you think Mary is going to feel?  In a society where EVERYONE gets a trophy, is it FAIR that someone gets to have something more than another?  It is clear that gift giving needs to be stopped so that no one is left out of the equation.

What if I Didn’t Think My Sweater Was Ugly?

This is an "oldie but goodie"- and a great example of an "ugly sweater" I thought was beautiful! Excuse the orbs in the picture. Obviously, the Ghost of Christmas past making an appearance.....) I thought this was a beautiful sweater. Now that Ive had it for about 15 years, it has attended more ugly sweater parties than you can imagine!

This is an “oldie but goodie”- and a great example of an “ugly sweater” I thought was beautiful! Excuse the orbs in the picture. Obviously, the Ghost of Christmas past making an appearance…..) I thought this was a beautiful sweater. Now that I’ve had it for about 15 years, it has attended more ugly sweater parties than you can imagine!

You may not realize that some of the holiday sweaters women of my age group have are sweaters we once purchased because we found them lovely.  NOW they are considered UGLY SWEATERS, and complete parties rotate around these sweaters! Does anyone care about OUR feelings? How do you think we feel when our kids go into our stash of holiday clothing to wear something to the holiday office ugly sweater party?  We are crushed, at the deepest level of our core.  Psychological devastation is occurring again and again.  But we try to buck up and work through it!  When we walk into the local Goodwill and see whole racks of sweaters with a sign saying “UGLY SWEATERS” and we note that 5 of them are exact duplicates of sweaters we have owned over the years, do the Millennials give our tender feelings one moment of consideration?

The “White” Elephant in the Room

Most of us have participated in White Elephant gift exchanges. What is the hidden meaning behind the name of this game?  A white elephant is less desirable than the average gray elephant?  Only gray elephants should be accepted? Another sort of prejudice that is being propagated through the traditions of Christmas!  And what does the game itself represent?  You open a gift you might like, but someone can come along, and it they like it, they can just steal it away from you, without any consideration of whether or not you might want to keep your new little treasure?  Promoting stealing, lack of consideration and respect for one another could just be about the top of the offensive ladder!

Our friend Joanna won the ultimate "white elephant" at our White Elephant party this year! Did anyone think about the white elephants feelings?

Our friend Joanna won the ultimate “white elephant” at our White Elephant party this year! Did anyone think about the white elephants feelings?

Just today on one of my local Facebook “garage sale” sites, a woman posted a “hipster nativity set” she was trying to sell. I immediately chuckled when I saw it, then I glanced at the comments.  Offensive!  Poor taste!  Should be removed! On and on! Where are people’s sense of humor??????? Get over yourselves people- you are taking life WAY too seriously!  Not to mention, you being constantly offended is offending ME!

I thought this was really funny, but, alas, should I have been surpised at the number of people who were IMMEDIATELY offended?

I thought this was really funny, but, alas, should I have been surprised at the number of people who were IMMEDIATELY offended?

Strangers Among Us!

Christmas Caroling- another in a long line of offensive holiday practices.  Just last week, on my Nextdoor app. We had someone complaining about carolers who came around their house. They called the local police, complaining that these strangers were ruining their right to peace and quiet in their home!  Imagine the lack of consideration of those people, walking up and down neighborhood streets, singing holiday songs (all of which were probably offensive)!  No wonder this gentleman felt the need to call the local police!  Things like this have to be stopped! You can’t have “strangers” caroling uninvited around your homes! Who knows what evil could lurk in the hearts of carolers?

Carolers we had table-side when we dined at the Mission Inn in Riverside a few weeks ago. Their repertoire will probably be VERY limited once all the offensive Christmas Carols are banned!

Carolers we had table-side when we dined at the Mission Inn in Riverside a few weeks ago. Their repertoire will probably be VERY limited once all the offensive Christmas songs are banned!

The conclusion that I have come to is that we need to just completely cancel Christmas and all that is attached to it. Festivities of all kinds need to stop, because there is just far too much of it that is offensive.  In fact, try and come up with a part of the equation that ISN’T offensive!  You will be hard pressed.

Since this whole thing got started by my article last year, I am just throwing the solution out there.  Cancel the whole thing. Then there will be nothing left to be offended by……. Or to bitch about…….. Or will there?

 

 

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  • Sandy Rau
    December 19, 2018 at 5:58 pm

    This is one of your most clever posts, Patti………. sarcasm very well done! 🙂

    • Patti
      January 23, 2019 at 3:53 pm

      Thanks Sandy! I was so busy offending people throughout the Christmas, uh Hanukkah, Uh Kwanzaa, uh, Holiday, uh, festive winter season that I never responded!

  • Kelly
    December 23, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    You always know how to crack me up !!!!
    I am so over this PC stuff …. it makes me want to throw up !!

    • Patti
      January 23, 2019 at 3:54 pm

      Kelly, I’m a bit offended that you are offended by all of it!