It’s a Scam…….. Ma’am!

Comedy, My Humble Opinion, You Can't Make This Shit Up!
There is a new scam out there every day! BEWARE!

There is a new scam out there every day! BEWARE!

There is a Sucker Born Every Minute!

Somewhere, somehow, I am at the top of a list titled “Try her. She’ll believe anything.”  I swear I am. If you have had a scam tried on you, so have I. 27 times.  AND, the other 1,327 scams you’ve never heard about?  I’ve gotten THOSE too.  Each one at LEAST 27 times.  Not sure how or why, but somewhere, some time, some place, I clicked on something that put me at the top of the list.

I have had more Nigerians wanting to share their millions with me than I care to name. I have had Microsoft wanting to “fix my computer” more times than Steve Jobs ever said “Apple.”  I have more people wanting to get me out of my timeshare than you could take vacations in your lifetime. You scam it, I’ve had it!

Funny thing is, many of the scams that come my way, my friends have never even HEARD OF!  How in the world can this be?

When I get the phone calls, I just wish that I knew they were coming so I could record them and have some fun with them.

For some reason, probably “by association” with me, Don gets his fair share too.  A few months ago, his phone and mine were both blowing up with a few “IRS Scam” calls each and every day.

The Computer Fix

Just before Christmas we were visiting family in Illinois for our family Christmas party. (BTW- Sorry if the mention of Christmas “offends” you.  That’s what we happen to celebrate. Christmas. Just the facts, folks. do with this what you may…..) Back to the story…… so Don gets a phone call, while we are staying at my niece Kelly’s house.  From “Microsoft.”  The man with the Indian accent tells Don that he needs to help Don with his computer because he has downloaded a virus.  Don walks into the bedroom we are staying in, with a grin on his face and the man on speaker phone. And Don decides to have some fun with this scammer!

Don says in a very angry voice, “Woman, I have Microsoft on the phone and they say something has been downloaded on my computer causing a virus!  Have you been on my computer again?”  So I play along and say meekly, “Only once or twice. I was downloading a recipe for dinner.”  Then Don smacks his hands together as if he’s hitting me, and I scream saying, “Don’t hit me, ouch!  Stop, please stop.” Don says, “he thinks he’s handled the problem so it doesn’t happen again”, and guess what the scammer’s response is?

“Ma’am, you need to just calm down!  You are making too much noise and need to be quiet!” I said to him, indignantly, “I need to be quiet?  He is hitting me and I need to be quiet?”  “Yes, you need to be quiet” is his response again.  We play this back and forth for a bit, meanwhile my niece Kelly has long appeared from her bedroom, making sure that there wasn’t some awful  part of our relationship she didn’t know about, realizes what is transpiring,……… and the conversation goes on for a bit.

We aren’t sure when the scammer realized that HE was also being scammed, but the phone call ended by him saying, “Sir, I know what you need to do now.  You need to let me put my penis in her vagina.” I asked him to repeat what he just said, then he hung up on us.  SMH!

The Nigerian Scam

SCAM, no matte how you spell it, it's never good!

SCAM, no matte how you spell it, it’s never good!

At least once or twice a week, I get some form of the Nigerian “We have money to get out of the country and you are the only person we can trust.  (See, and some of you probably thought I wasn’t trustworthy!  There is the proof!  People want to entrust me with 4, 8, 10, even 50 million dollars, sure I’ll give them a small share of it!)

Here is one of my recent “Nigerian Scams,” which seems SO legit, because a lot of people have ATM Funds (????) with 10.5 million dollars in them.  Right?

—–Original Message—–

From: Barrister.Angel Nasky [mailto:www.@mild.ocn.ne.jp]

Sent: Wednesday, December 5, 2018 3:06 PM

Subject: GOOD NEWS FROM UNITED NATION ATM CARD CENTER OFFICE,

GOOD NEWS FROM UNITED NATION ATM CARD CENTER OFFICE,

How are you today? hope all is right with you; Please I advised that you should read this email message very carefully and urgently get back to me immediately to avoid wrong delivery of your overdue inheritance unpaid ATM CARD fund worth of $10.5 Million USD presently at our custody United Nation.

Based on the meeting held yesterday with the United Nations Official, US Embassy Official  and IMF officials In collaboration with Office of the Presidency Republic of Benin and Federal Ministry of Finance F.M.F Republic of Benin regarding all overdue inheritance payment File of which your name and email ID was listed among the unpaid beneficiary, I writing to inform you that your files appeared on our desk to pay you a partial payment of

$10.5 million US Dollars of your funds for this First quarter of the year.

But we are having misunderstanding because a Man by name:Mr.Steven Brown, from United States of America called our Office on Friday stating that He is your new next of kin that you have given him the power of attorney to claim your unpaid ATM CARD Fund worth of $10.5 Million USD, He clearly informed our Office that he will pay the delivery charges and he said that you have instructed him to receive the funds on your favor that you are greatly Will which makes it impossible for you to ask all our calls and email to you so far that you cannot work or answer any calls due your presently health condition.

Executive Board of Director Federal Ministry of Finance World are currently and so confuse about him claim that is why the authority instructed me to contact you for us to know if he is telling us the truth or not to avoid wrong delivering of your unpaid fund worth of $10.5 Million USD to unexpected person as we have no clue about this person Mr.Steven Brown

he also forwarded below information DETAILS to us for the delivery of your unpaid inheritance Payment worth the total sum of $10.5 Million USD.FULL NAME== Mr.Steven Brown COUNTRY===USA ADDRESS====3500 OLD DETON RD APT 208; CARROLLTON, TEXAS  75007 PHONE NUMBER== (+1 203-989-2535 ) Kindly check this information and name if we can go ahead and deliver the funds to his info.

After he provided this info to us, he instructed us not to bother or disturbed ourselves by contacting you because you cannot access your email presently due to your present health condition that we should delivered the fund  the funds to him provided information directly because he is now acting on your behalf. If you still interested of this ATM CARD fund kindly reconfirm your directly information to us urgent to avoid wrong delivery such as okay. Contact me to My Email- unitednationheadoffice1998@gmail.com

Or call / text message to this number  Tel: +22960577221

  1. Your Full Name:=======
  2. Your Telephone No:====
  3. Your Country:=========
  4. Your Home Address:====
  5. Your Nearest airport:==

6.Your Age”

We wait to hear from you soon Don’t keep us waiting for your own good.

Your Sincerely

Barrister.Angel Nasky

Tel:+1 (409) 241-7593

Seems TOTALLY legit, right?  I know you may be surprised, but I didn’t follow up on this, so it looks like Mr. Stephen Brown of Carrollton, Texas might be a rich man now, as he is probably in possession of my 10.5 Million ATM Fund.  Ladies, looking for a rich husband?  This could be your big chance!

The Social Security  & IRS Scams

One of the other more recent ones is “The Social Security” office calls you.  They believe there is fraud against your social security number and they want you to call them, otherwise you may not get future payments due to you from your social security account.  I find it strange that the return number is for a number outside the country!  Who would THINK that the government would outsource our Social Security office like that?

The one that it seems almost everyone has gotten is the IRS phone call, stating that you owe for back taxes. The choice of wording on this one is my favorite!  They tell you that you have “Five serious allegations PRESSED UP against you”, and they will be sending “the local cops” to come and get you.  Thank God they are giving the “local cops” a little something to do to keep busy!

At least 5 times per week, I have someone calling to help me, in some way with my timeshare.  To upgrade it, help me get out of payments, WHATEVER. Strange thing is, I don’t OWN a timeshare, and never have.  Other than that, it seems pretty legitimate.

The “Porn Site” Scam

Scammer at work!

Scammer at work!

The very best one, however, is the most recent, and one I know a lot of people are receiving.  The scary thing about this one, is the email notification DOES come in with one of your legitimate passwords (scary enough in itself) so I’m sure, some people, with something to hide, do fall for this one!

This is the email where the hacker says they have hacked your computer, and they have footage of you watching porn and masturbating to it, and they are going to send it to all of your contacts if you don’t send them bit coin of a specified amount.  Haven’t seen this one?  Below is an example of just one of the 4 I have received in the past week alone.

The line on the email notification is: Hi Perv, I have recorded you masturbating

ATTN: patti@thequeenofdamnneareverything.com

THIS IS NOT A JOKE – I AM DEAD SERIOUS!

Hi perv,

The last time you visited a pornographic website with teens, you downloaded and installed software I developed.

My program has turned on your camera and recorded the process of your masturbation.

My software has also downloaded all your email contact lists and a list of your friends on Facebook.

I have both the ‘Patti.mp4′ with your masturbation as well as a file with all your contacts on my hard drive.

You are very perverted!

If you want me to delete both the files and keep the secret, you must send me Bitcoin payment. I give you 72 hours for payment.

If you don’t know how to send Bitcoins, visit Google.

Send 2.000 USD to this Bitcoin address immediately:

3ArUiCT318zX5H8Xc2SPxoXmWba7r2Pj5w

(copy and paste)

1 BTC = 3,580 USD right now, so send exactly 0.564062 BTC to the address provided above.

Do not try to cheat me!

As soon as you open this Email I will know you opened it.

This Bitcoin address is linked to you only, so I will know if you sent the correct amount.

When you pay in full, I will remove the files and deactivate my program. I guаrantеe yоu that I will nоt disturb уou аgain аftеr payment, as уou аre not mу single viсtim. This is а hасkеr сode оf honor.

Don’t bе mаd at mе, еvеrуone hаs thеir own work. exactly what shоuld yоu dо?

If you don’t send the payment, I will send your masturbation video to ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND ASSOCIATES from your contact list I hacked.

Here are the payment details again:

Send 0.564062 BTC to this Bitcoin address:

—————————————-

3ArUiCT318zX5H8Xc2SPxoXmWba7r2Pj5w

—————————————-

You cаn visit police but nobody will help you. I know what I am doing.

I don’t live in your country and I know how to stay anonymous.

Don’t try to deceive me – I will know it immediately – my spy ware is recording all the websites you visit and all keys you press.

If you do – I will send this ugly recording to everyone you know, including your family.

Don’t cheat me! Don’t forget the shame and if you ignore this message your life will be ruined.

I am waiting for your Bitcoin payment.

If you need more time to buy and send 0.564062 BTC, open your notepad and write ’48h plz’.

I will consider giving you another 48 hours before I release the vid.

Anonymous Hacker

Now this particular “hacker” is one of my favorites, because he lives with a “Hacker’s code of honor.”  If I am going to randomly send off money to a hacker, THIS is my hacker of choice!   None of the others promised that they live with a hacker’s code of honor, so how am I to know I can, indeed, trust them?

Not only that, but this guy is willing to give me a bit more time to scrounge up the funds, should I need it.  How thoughtful and kind is THAT?

I have never been to a porn site, and wouldn’t really know where to go for one, because it’s just really not my thing. But, imagine the one that comes in with one of your REAL passwords, and you are someone who HAS been participating in this activity, without the wifey knowing?  Might give you a bit of a scare, don’t you think?

As P.T. Barnum is quoted saying, “There is a sucker born everyday.” Obviously, some measure of these scams work, or they wouldn’t pursue them as frequently as they do.

I just wish I knew where to have my name deleted from the “Try her. She’ll believe anything” list!

 

 

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  • Jacki L Windish
    January 23, 2019 at 5:41 pm

    You always deliver the smiles and the laughter and the shock and the OMG’s! Love it.

    • Patti
      February 19, 2019 at 9:05 pm

      Jacki, Thanks so much! I appreciate you reading my craziness!