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Sexy After 60!

Crickets……… Have You Heard The Crickets?

Cocktail Time, life, Sexy After 60!, Uncategorized

Crickets……… I apologize for the Crickets!

“Are you still writing your blog?”  “I haven’t seen any new articles in a few weeks.” “Where the hell IS the Queen of Damn Near Everything?”

Those are the questions I’ve heard more than a few times over the past few weeks.  You might wonder if The Queen took off to a new kingdom- or just what the hell has happened.

Life.

Life is what happened. All good.  (Mostly good, actually).  But life.  Life at “speed of light” living.  And something had to give, somewhere. So, unfortunately, it was this blog.

Sorry peeps!

We moved just after Labor Day.  A good thing.  A great thing actually.  But a TIME CONSUMING thing.  Moving isn’t for sissies.  Even if you are a Realtor and should know how to do this stuff. And those of you who are in my “inner circle” know how crazy life is at the best of times.  we had out of town company right before the move, so we couldn’t do much packing. Then, of course, I don’t like to shut down my regularly scheduled life, so I continued to have my little parties and events I do monthly, such as Bunko, right up until days before the move……..Which leads to craziness when the actual move happened.

We had my stuff, Don’s stuff and too damned much stuff.

And, to add to the Melee, (Is that the word?  Is that A word?)Long before the move was planned, a vacation was planned.  To Cabo. For a week.  One week to the day after our move.

Great in some ways, because I had been averaging about 3 hours sleep for 6 weeks straight.  From the day we went into escrow, I’d hit the bed, and then by 1:30 AM be awake thinking of all the stuff that needed to be done for the move, and by 3 AM, I’d bound out and start moving at the pace of a chimpanzee on crack, never stopping for a minute until I fell into bed about 11 PM.

That being said, the vacation actually probably saved me from physical ruin.

A few days after we return from vacation, Don manages to break his foot. (THAT is another story for another day, trust me!) So, on top of trying to get a house in order, we now have to deal with a guy who is supposed to stay completely off his foot until they can get around to surgery.  Two weeks after the break we have surgery…………..So now, the guy who picks up so much of my slack by running here, running there, picking up this, helping out here……… is pretty much confined to sitting with his leg up. Leaving me with a LOT less time in my schedule.

But will I let that stop me?  HELL NO!  I still forge ahead with the important things in life.  Planning my first bunko party in the new house.  Planning our housewarming party. Putting on a dinner party for my Kiwanis group….  And work.  Work just doesn’t stop.  OH HELL NO!  Real estate has been as busy as EVER! So, just when you think you have a full day to unpack, organize, decorate or whatever, someone calls and off you go…… showing property.

Then, added to moving, broken legs, entertaining and making a new home, the “new home” pipes up.  If you have ever moved, you may be familiar with this phenomenon.  I don’t know if it has a name, but I know it happens, sure as the sun rises. Houses somehow KNOW when you move into them, and they decide to immediately ACT UP! Although an appliance may have been inspected before purchase of the house, although things all look fine and dandy before purchasing, WHAM, the house wants to see how much you REALLY love it by making things stop working properly, at seemingly break neck speed right after you move in. It kind of makes me think of a toddler who wants to test if you REALLY love them, by testing you every minute.

So, the first time we have the kids and a few friends over, we turn on the spa.  We’d been using the spa basically every night since move in, with no problems. We turn it on that evening and the water just drains out of the spa within seconds.  HUH?  A repair of a major part. Of course.

Then we have my Kiwanis group over for a party.  We have hired a caterer and she arrives, turns on the oven (first time since we’d moved in) and WHAP!  Blam, pow……. smoke, sparks, zap and no electrical panel now.  Of course, when the home warranty repairman arrives, he tells me there is nothing wrong with the oven.  (He has continued to tell me that the other two times I’ve had them come out…. again, another story for another day.)

And Real Estate. As I said, busy as hell. And none of the transactions I’ve dealt with have just gone down smoothly.  HELL NO!  There has been some sort of “challenge” (read as pain-in-the-ass) involved in every damned one of them.

AND, I’ve also been involved in selling my own home AND overseeing a home upgrade for a client, so I could get that house on the market for the best price.

To top it all off, my 60th birthday was Monday (November 13th for those of you who want to put it in your calendar for next year.  Send gifts.  Lots of them.  I like gifts.)  Needless to say, I’m having the big wing-ding party for my 60th, because, damn it, I’m worth it.  So, that happened Saturday night.  The band, the FABULOUS new dress. The DELICIOUS chocolate mousse cake, the out of town company……I even had a “signature Martini at the event. The Patti-tini!  (What else?) It was absolutely EPIC and SO much fun!  (Stay tuned, you WILL be subjected to pictures!)

I can now OFFICIALLY use my category of Sexy After 60! YIPPEE!  And did I score with the fun, all the way around!  Gifts, family, friends, fun, fun, fun!

That being said, this explains full well why all you have heard from me is crickets.  But I’m back!

Don’t forget about me! I didn’t forget about you! Tell your friends about this blog.  I’m only asking for you to personally share it with 100 of your closest friends.  Easy peasy!  You can do that for a fabulous friend like me, right?

Stay tuned. I have travel stuff to share. Before and after decorating stuff to share. Broken foot stories to share. There is a lot up in this noggin’ of mine to share with you.

 

You Can’t Always Trust “BOB”

Comedy, Fabulous After 50, Mimsy Whimsy, Serious Shit, Sexuality, Sexy After 60!, Uncategorized, You Can't Make This Shit Up!
Spying Vibrator

Spying Vibrator! Watch out ladies!

You can’t always trust BOB  (Battery Operated Boyfriend)

A friend of mine mentioned to me that she doesn’t need a boyfriend.  She already has BOB.  BOB it seems, is a battery operated boyfriend.  (For those of you who are really slow, this is a vibrator.)  I thought that a great play on words.  After all, men can let you down, but BOB won’t.  Right???

Wrong!  It turns out that not only could BOB let you down, but he could severely disappoint you.  Make you feel the fool.  Use and abuse you!  You might wonder how in the world THAT could be possible?

The big story broke in the news mid-March.  Evidently, the company who makes a vibrator known as the We-Vibe got caught spying on their buyers’ personal vibrator use!  Yep, that’s right people!  You could buy this vibrator, and then download an app which allowed it to be turned on through your smart phone remotely or whatever you wanted…..

Let’s recap this.  If you haven’t seen this vibrator, it’s a little c-shaped number, that I guess clamps right into the ol’ vagina and on your clit.  So, I’m not understanding this.  Are women walking around with this thing, and just for shits and giggles the hubby hits the on button from his smart phone while he’s busting it out earning a buck at the office?  I’m pretty damn forward thinking sexually, but this whole thing just isn’t making sense to me…..Maybe one of you who read this blog will fill me in, because I’m a bit mystified here. Truly I am….. I just can’t imagine that I’m going to spend my day hooked up to my little We vibrator………  I mean, wouldn’t it just want to fall out?  Now THAT could be an embarrassing moment in your day.

Clit-Gate… Someone’s Watching!

So, as the story goes, the folks that be, at We Vibe’s parent company, Standard Innovation, went into the records of all the sexually active users, to determine how long and at what frequency said customers used their little sex toys. You could think of this as “Clit-Gate.” The app was called We-Connect.  I guess that people didn’t realize that the WE who would be connecting was going to be the manufacturer, checking in on YOUR vagina! This is worse than the spying Russians! Worse than the spying microwaves!  These spys are right in your bedroom, and hooked up to your Va- Jay-Jay!  It doesn’t get any more personal than this!  The only spy I’ve know who was this intimate was James Bond, and he had to at least don a tuxedo and talk his way into a ladies bedroom before he turned on the “spy mode!”

You’ve Can’t Trust These New-fangled inventions!

Interesting Data Research Project…

Now THAT must have been some interesting data research going on there!  Can’t you see it?  “Hey boss, Mary Smith in Wasco, Illinois uses her vibrator 8 times a day, for an average of 16 minutes each time.  Do you think I could google her, and give her a call?  I’m all about helping out a girl in need!”

So, however the beans got spilled, the powers that be found out that women’s clits all over the United States were being spied on, without their knowledge, and it resulted in a HUGE settlement from the sex toy manufacturer.

A New Meaning to The Phrase “Your Money-Maker”

In fact, if it turns out that you are one of the people who downloaded this app, it was worth a whopping $10000.00 to you!  Holy Shit!  I’d have bought one of these puppies had I known I could use the money maker to make this kind of money!

And if it turns out that you bought the We-vibe, but didn’t download the app, so your sweetie could turn you on remotely?  Still worth $199.00 buck-a-roos.  Not bad. I guess it’s about the amount these things cost when you purchased them, so they are paying you back for their fuck up.  Good deal, you can still use the original We-Vibe, and visit the sex store to buy some new sex enhancing items.

Just watch what you download on them, you never know who might be watching!  Just in case you think I might make this shit up- here is an article to prove that I am a girl of my word! Google and you will find numerous other articles discussing the lawsuit.  Interesting reading, for those nights you don’t have BOB to entertain you……

Meanwhile,  I think I’ll just stick with the good ol’ fashioned boyfriend that I have at home, and forget the new fangled, remote controlled BOB!

Afternote on this blog.  I looked up to see how you are supposed to use this wonder of sexuality.  It turns out, the “spy factory” produced a film.  If you want a REAL laugh, I’d suggest you watch the “how to” film.  The use of this object is only more mystifying to me at this point.  Between the petting the couple are doing to each other, and the hand used to exemplify a woman’s vagina……. I am thoroughly confused.  And Amused…….. (We-Vibe How To Video)

And To All, A Good Night!

Cocktail Time, Events, Fabulous After 50, Sexy After 60!, Uncategorized

Blog Launch Party Recap!

Don & Patti

My man, Don, always so supportive of my endeavors! Notice, the “signature cocktail” provided by our venue, Green Dragon Tavern!

My two “besties”- Stella & Linda, worked like bees helping me to make the whole event a success!

The official Queen of Damn Near Everything Blog Launch Party took place Thursday evening, May 11th. I think I can say with absolute certainty, a Good Night was had by all who attended!

It was a fun filled event, held at the Green Dragon Tavern & Museum in Carlsbad. They let us use the upper bar area, which was very spacious and lovely.  Our servers took great care of us, and the food was all delicious!  I told their event coordinator, Kelsy that I am known for a signature martini at all my events, so they created “The Queens Cocktail” just for our event, and were even so gracious as to give us happy hour pricing on them!  Yummy Blood Orange Martinis, which were out of this world.  How can you beat that? (The added benefit, of COURSE, was knowing that we were all getting our vitamin C from the fresh orange puree!  I do what I can for the healt of my friends!)

Sparkley Crown Cookies by JuJuBee’s Desserts

Did Someone Say Shopping?

Purses, Jewelry and Tiaras!

A girl can’t have too much bling!

I think she is SHOCKED at the great prices!

Every girl needs to have a tiara, or two, or more!

This was not just the launch for my blog, but also the debut of my new line of jewelry, purses and tiaras!  My line is called The Crown Jewels, and quite a large number of ladies enjoyed shopping amidst the eating and revelry!

The Queen, telling a bit about the blog, and upcoming events

There were a few VERY lucky ladies at the event!  I had a lot of raffle prizes, and as always seems to happen, a few of the ladies proved to be VERY LUCKY that evening.  Sandy Rau and Wendy Rippee each won 3 raffle gifts.  Judee Tieger won 2!

Judee Tieger, who owns JuJuBee’s Desserts provided beautiful pink sparkley crown cookies with my logo on them. The kicker was the huge pewter 3 tiered tray she brought to serve them on!  It was, indeed regal!

Friends, You Can’t Beat ‘Em!

Vicki, Wendy & Stella

Patti & Kathe- a talented professional who produces her own podcast. Our regal cookies in the background!

The attendees proved to be a diverse crowd!  Friends from my Good Ol’ Gals networking group, my Lakeshore Gardens neighbors, friends I’ve known through business, my besties, my daughter and my many, friends of friends and more.  I truly appreciated the support and love felt in the room!

Girls Just Wanna’ Have Fun!

Barb- holding court it seems!

My daughter, Alyse (on the right) and her friend since birth, Kaitlin. (She’s my daughter from another mother!) Even the youngin’s were in attendance!

Marianne, Patti & BJ

Nancy, so sweet to come to my event!

Stella is always “Miss photgenic!” Don’t we all have one of THOSE friends????

Eloise- Yes, there will probably be swearing involved! Sorry love!

We did a survey to assess what future events the ladies might like, so some of those adventures are in the works right now!

Last, but certainly not least, Don, who was our official event photographer!

Stay tuned to see what comes up!  You won’t want to miss the action!

Blog Launch Party is Almost Here!

Cocktail Time, Entertaining, Events, Fabulous After 50, Sexy After 60!, Uncategorized
The Queen of Damn Near Everything!

Patti Phillips, The Queen of Damn Near Everything!

The “Big Day” is almost here!  This Thursday, May 11th is our “The Queen of Damn Near Everything” blog launch party!  This is going to be a fantastic event!

Where Is It?

The Green Dragon Tavern & Museum, 6115 Paseo Del Norte, Carlsbad, CA

When Is It?

Thursday, May 11th

4:30-6:30 PM

What Is It?

What in the world is going to happen at this spectacularly fun event you may ask?

I’m a gonna tell you right here! Fun! That’s what!  We will be having appetizers (which are included with your $12.00 ticket price), no host drinks, LOTS of great raffles to amazing things like massages, facials, museum tickets, gift cards, cute shit, free stuff and more! There is also going to be a chance to shop, (and who doesn’t LOVE to shop!

Shop for WHAT you may ask?  Bling.  Pure Bling.  Blingy purses, tiaras, jewelry, hair art. So, if you are lacking in BLING at your house, bring your wallet.  Bring your credit card.  DON’T bring your first born.  I don’t want them.  I have enough of my own……

What Should I Know About It?

What else do you need to know about the day, you might just ask?  Well, you CAN bring a friend, two friends, 16 friends………… They will have fun, and you’ll be my hero.

HOWEVER, if you could take a little minute or two to let me know they are coming, that would be most helpful.  We DO want to have enough of the afore mentioned food on hand, after all…

RSVP’s for the event, prepaid is nice.  Prepaid is only $12.00.  At the door is $15.00.  For the difference you’ll pay, you can almost buy a drink.  Or a pair of cute earrings. Or a mini tiara.  Get your priorities right sister.  These things add up!

You might be asking if MEN can attend.  Yes, men can attend.  They are going to be scarce, but there are a few planning on it.  One very smart single man is planning to attend.  He’s a SMART single man!  I know HIS ulterior motive!

The REALLY Important Stuff…..

Now this is the REALLY important stuff.  To win more great stuff, your chances are much greater when you have more tickets in the raffle… DUH!  How do you get more raffle tickets, so that you might enjoy a massage, a facial, pampering, dinner out at a restaurant?  SUBSCRIBE TO MY BLOG before the event.

Upon check in you’ll get 5 EXTRA RAFFLE TICKETS! Bring a friend (who isn’t already on my email list) and you’ll get 5 MORE RAFFLE TICKETS! Imagine all of the great items you will win!

Or, you can purchase raffle tickets at the event……. In any case, you will be having a fantastic time, you’ll meet new friends and business advocates, you’ll be eating scrumptious  food AND you will weigh in on upcoming events that the Queen of Damn Near Everything will be putting on in months to come!

To sign up, go to my  Eventbrite page, and sign up NOW, or contact me personally and I can take your cash or credit card!

YOU WON’T WANT TO MISS THIS GREAT EVENING!

The “Belles” of the Ball!

Cocktail Time, Entertaining, Sexy After 60!
"Belle" Patti & Stella the Greek!

“Belle” Patti & Stella the Greek!

The “Belles” of the Ball!

The minute I heard that the new Beauty and the Beast movie was coming out, I knew I had to plan something special!  You can’t let an opportunity for something this exciting just slip on by, without making “an event” of it, now can you?  After all, it had been about 3 weeks since the release of “50 Shades Darker” and we had a fantastic time doing THAT up right at my friend Stella K’s home, so we were DEFINITELY due for a bit of fun with this one! The idea was quickly hatched for a “Belle Ball” tea and movie day!

Me Dressed Up as Belle

Me Dressed Up as Belle

I planned an afternoon tea.  My dining table seats 10 comfortably, 12 if you squeeze.  So, I figured I’d invite 14, and end up with 10 or 12.  Great planning, except a few girlfriends asked if they could bring a friend, and I’m never one to leave someone out of the fun……. So we ended up with 14 in the end!  You should have seen me scrambling to figure out how to add 2 more places to my dining table.  But, remember the old saying about creative minds, and all that!  With Stella’s help, we figured out that one of my end tables was just about the right height. That, and a few pieces of cardboard, and a piece of plywood from Home Depot, and Viola’- a table for 14 we now had!  I just didn’t want to split my friends into 2 groups, so although we were a bit smooshed, by God, it worked!

The table, extended as far as possible!

What Does a “Belle” Wear?

I instructed the ladies to wear their ball gowns, tiaras, or whatever apparel THEY felt was right for Beauty and the Beast.  Then I went about finding myself a gown worthy of Belle herself!  I ordered the prettiest “Belle” costume I could find, then worked on  making it prettier.  It arrived with some weird pink ribbon rosebuds on it.  Belle doesn’t have pink ribbon rosebuds, for God’s sake!  So, off they came, then  I added yellow roses, strands of pearls, tulle netting, more roses, more pearls, a hoop slip, gloves a tiara, and dammit I may be the oldest living “Belle” on the face of the earth, but it turned out pretty darned well!

I decided to go with an Easter theme for my table, since I already had Easter decorations out at my house. I found the cutest darned “bunny” plates in pink and blue at the 99 cent store……… so pastels and bunnies it was!

The ladies arrived, and let me tell you, it’s not every Tuesday afternoon at 1:30 that your friends show up in ball gowns, mother-of-the-bride gowns, tiaras, prom dresses and such! What fun it was!

3 of my “Fabulous After 50” Girlfriends!

If I do pat myself on the back, my tea was an amazing success, and the food was awesome.  I’ll share some recipes later.  The first I’ll share will be my “signature” martini I made for the day.  I called it a “Emerald Tiara” and it was enjoyed by all who partook! (Keep your eyes peeled for the recipe!  I’ll be posting it soon!)

I had happened upon an estate sale with some beautiful teacups, teapots and other tea items. They became my party favors. I let each woman draw a number to pick out which gift they would like.

Party Favors for the Belle Ball Tea

Party Favors for the Belle Ball Tea

Making New Friends – Getting to Know You!

We had placecards,  so that the lovely ladies ended up sitting next to someone they didn’t know well, and would have the opportunity to make a new friend. I SO hate it when you are at a party and only get to talk to the person on each side of you!  I like a little “table conversation” which everyone takes part in. I asked each lady around the table to tell us something about themselves that no one might know, and they had to share how they ended up at our Beauty & the Beast party.  My friend Stella and I like to mix up our little parties, and invite new people whenever we can, so that it doesn’t get old and worn out!  This was a great example of that!  Lots of new faces, and ALL so dolled up!

The “Belle Ball” ladies, just before the movie

After tea, the ladies got their movie bags I had made for them, which included a bit of “Naked Popcorn” and candy, and off to the movies we went!  We LOVED the movie!  And let me tell you, the little girls at the movie LOVED that we were all so dressed up!

My favorite part of the movie expedition was one little girl, probably about 6 who came up to me in the lobby and said, “I think you are beautiful.  Maybe you could sell crowns like yours out front, so that little girls could each have one.  Then, you could go to birthday parties and make every little girl SO happy.”  So, there you have it!  I have a new career in the wings, if need be!  And this proves, you are NEVER too old to play dress up! It is so much fun to put on another persona for a few hours!  Don’t worry about what people will say when you step out of “the norm!”  We had positive feedback from everyone around us, and we all felt like a “queen for a day!”