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DO YOU STOP AT RED LIGHTS?

Adventures With Attitude!, Royal Ramblings!, Sexuality, Sexy After 60!, Travel and Adventure, You Can't Make This Shit Up!

DO YOU STOP AT RED LIGHTS?

Everything You Need To Know About Amsterdam’s Red Light District.

One of the side streets in the Red Light District. You can see the red lights down the street.

Normal Curiosity…..

As an American, I think it’s normal to be curious about the Red Light District in Amsterdam. Amsterdam is a bit of a curiosity all the way around, with its legalization of drug use, prostitution and other carnal pleasures that aren’t legally allowed in the glorious US of A.

Amsterdam, seems to me the epitome of Liberalism, although I don’t believe that is what they call it.  When you go to Amsterdam there are a number of sayings that you will hear the locals say. “As long as it doesn’t hurt anybody else, go ahead and do what you want.”  “I see you through my fingers”, which means that they know what you are doing, but don’t really care.

The thing about this type of attitude, is that it seems to work. While the prisons and jails in America are burgeoning, in Amsterdam and throughout the Netherlands, it is just the opposite.  They are nearly empty, and some have actually been closed down and turned into other uses, such as hotels.

A very typical Amsterdam Street. 4 story buildings, bikes and a canal down the middle!

Charming Amsterdam…..

All of Amsterdam, due to the water and canals, is mostly made up of buildings 4 stories tall.  You will see an occasional 5 stories, but most of the 5th stories are made up of just one room.  Narrow streets, divided down the middle by a canal.  One narrow lane going one direction on one side of the canal, the other direction on the other side of the canal. The sidewalks are even narrower, so many of the pedestrians walk in the traffic lanes.  Add to all of that THOUSANDS, literally THOUSANDS of bicycles, and it’s a bit of a clusterfuck! Then you have small “alley like” streets that run perpendicular to the main streets.  These are equal to one narrow lane, and many don’t even have sidewalks.

Charming. That’s the way to describe Amsterdam. Completely charming.  The architecture is beautiful.  Most every building made of brick. Due to the quagmire it is built on, many buildings tip a little to the left, to the right or a bit front wards or backwards.  Some may tip 2 or 3 of the direction that I mentioned.  No one seems too worried, as they are 200, 300 or 400 years old and haven’t gone anywhere yet!

The amazing thing though?  You don’t see aggravated drivers.  You don’t see aggravated pedestrians.  The bicyclists, for the most part are pretty calm weaving to and fro between it all….. Again, the Amsterdam attitude of you do your thing and I’ll do mine.  Let’s all just get along.

A typical store throughout Amsterdam. You can buy various drugs, marijuana, psychedelic mushrooms and much more!

The Red Light District

So, back to the Red Light District. What is it like?   The streets look basically the same as other parts of Amsterdam, except there are a plethora of sex shops & erotic shops (which are just a sex shop with a different name!), sex “museums”, and a number of bars which have some sort of sex show or porn show.  It kind of reminds me a bit of Bourbon Street in New Orleans- just missing the jazz music.

Keep in mind, little “coffee” is consumed at an Amsterdam coffee shop! The “coffee shops” are where you can go and puchase and smoke weed- all very legal.  Just walking past most of them you can get a “contact high!”

The biggest difference that you see are the Red Lights, and the windows which accompany the Red Lights.  Some blocks may have none, others may have 2, 4 or 12.  So what does that all look like?  Picture your typical front porch light.  With a red bulb placed in it.  Then, next to, or under the light will be a window, and the window usually has Red Velvet curtains in it.  When the light is on, and the curtain is closed, that means the lady  (the prostitute) is busy with a customer.  When the light is not on, you will usually see the curtains closed.  No one is working in that window, at that time.

Typical example of the windows the girls stand in.

An Open Curtain – Means Open for Business!

And then the thing that we Americans find SO fascinating……….. when the curtain is open, and there is a girl in the window. What do you see then?  Most of the women you see are in their 20’s.  They are wearing some type of lingerie.  Most often a bra and panties with heels.  It can vary of course.  I was really surprised that I never saw any type of “bustier”, stockings and garters.  I would assume that look would be prevalent.  I also never saw any “nighties”.  There were a few with the “school girl” look of a short pleated skirt.  One had her nipples only covered with a couple of (ouch!) star-shaped stickers.

There are areas, evidently, where one can find some more “mature” women, larger women or even women-who-might-not-be-women.  Those areas are a bit off on their own, not on the main drag.

The women are in their little “window” area. Many of the windows are groups, usually 3 together.  Those windows are about the size of a typical front door. There were a few other windows, even smaller- typically set down about 2 feet below street level, and they were about 3 ft. by about 4 ft. then, there were other larger windows, about 6 or 7 feet wide.  The wider windows actually showed you the whole room- bed and all.  All of the beds were covered with a dark blue vinyl.  Most of the rooms you could see were very clinical, not too “homey” and unattractive.  We never saw a shower, and seldom a sink in any of them.

These are the “rare” windows, in that their curtains aren’t red velvet!

One of the larger “rooms” we saw in the main area had the usual vinyl covered bed, but also on display were numerous sex toys, wigs, whips and other BDSM equipment. The woman in this window was a bit older than the average girl we saw in other windows. (Darn it, I snuck a photo of her room, but can’t find it in my camera!)

The World’s “Oldest Profession”

So…….. How does it work you wonder?  The women are behind their windows.  Some are very actively interacting with the crowd, giving a cute wink or smile, a “come hither” look. Others look bored beyond belief. Some look plan ol’ scary and like you’d better not bother them.  Some were on their cell phones.  When someone has an interest, they motion to the lady, she opens her door, and negotiations are made as to the services offered or desired, and the price. We were told that the typical price is 50-75 Euros.  That is for the “service” not for the time, and most sessions are considered about 15 minutes long. Evidently, if you want a specific time period, that is negotiated up front.  Don’t ask me what happens to the poor gal who gets a guy who lasts forever and a day……….. I guess they have provisions for that!

Rules of the Red Light District

There are certain “rules” that everyone is supposed to abide by.  Pictures of the women while behind their windows is strictly forbidden.  There are a number of plain clothes police walking around, and they don’t take kindly to rule breakers! It is also said that the girls have been known to come out, grab your phone, and throw it in the nearest canal, or stomp on it and break it!

This is how people are expected to behave in the Red Light District. Sorry about the color, the nearby red lights were distorting the white background…..

There is actually a “10 Commandments” on how to behave toward the prostitutes which is expected. You can find it posted in the area.

They are as follows:

  1. Do not take photographs or film
  2. Do not tap or spit on the window
  3. Be respectful toward the women
  4. Do not peek through cracks in the curtains
  5. Do not stand in front of the doors or windows
  6. When visiting, pay in advance and discuss beforehand what is and is not permitted
  7. Never have unprotected sex
  8. Be Hygienic (clean and well groomed, not intoxicated)
  9. When you suspect force or coercion, call the police on 09008844
  10. Aggression is not tolerated.

There are a specific number of licenses given for the Red Light district.  No new licenses have been issued for quite a number of years. One person can own more than one “window” which they rent out by shift. There are approximately 300 of the windows, or “prostitution rooms.” The ladies pay a specific amount per “shift” which is typically 10 hours.  Most of the rentals are 150. Euros per shift, but some, depending on the location, day and time, could rent out for more – or less.

It is said that most of the ladies are “independent”- they work for themselves.  But there is still some amount of “pimping” “managing” or as they call it ”lover boys”. Evidently, “pimping” used to be illegal, but in the past few years it was deemed to be legal. However, things are closely watched, to make sure that sex trafficking is not going on. In theory, in Amsterdam, everyone who is working as a prostitute does so of their own free will. Local authorities continuously investigate and inspect the working conditions of the prostitutes.  It is also encouraged that if any customers suspect that someone is being forced into prostitution, they should report it, so the woman can be helped. There is an anonymous phone number that can be called to report issues, and that number is prominently displayed around the Red Light District. The safety of the prostitutes is taken very seriously in Amsterdam.

This is the suggested behavior for “on the job” success!

Taxes are filed by the women, in fact we went past a Tax Accountant’s office- and he advertised that his specialty was filing taxes for the Prostitutes.  There are also required routine medical test to make sure they aren’t passing on any diseases.

In Amsterdam, there are also brothels and individual escorts. All must be licensed.  The brothels are located all around, not just the red light district. It is the responsibility of the brothels and the owners of the “windows” to make sure that the women are properly checked out, and that none of them are being forced into work by anyone else.

I don’t think much sleeping goes on in these rooms! This may have been a bordello, but no one would really give us an answer on that!

Museums, Museums…….. Everywhere!

Another interesting fact about Amsterdam is that it seems you can call just about anything a “museum” and charge people to enter.  In the Red Light District there were The Sex Museum, The Eroticism Museum and The Museum of Prostitution, among others.

We visited The Museum of Prostitution.  It was interesting, but I wouldn’t say we picked up any astonishing information, or learned any big fact about prostitution in the Red Light District that we hadn’t picked up by talking to someone we knew who lives in the area.

Patti in front of the Prostitution Museum

Obviously, we weren’t the only ones a bit curious about the famous “Red Light District.”  It is estimated that over 6 million people visited the Red Light District of Amsterdam in 2017, and that over 60% of all tourist go to see it personally.

So, let’s see if we have this right.  Prostitutes are licensed, taxes are paid, diseases are kept to a minimum, things are policed for everyone’s safety, the jails aren’t filled beyond capacity- and the rest of Amsterdam basically feels like “live and let live”- basically not caring if someone partakes or doesn’t partake.

Can someone explain to me why in the world our country is so antiquated and doesn’t do the same thing?  If people want to participate in prostitution on either end of the spectrum, they are going to. Filling our jails with adults who have both consented to a sexual act doesn’t make sense to me. People involved in that act shouldn’t have to worry about their safety, whether it is the woman, or the man.

I’m all for the Amsterdam attitude of “live and let live” and “as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody else, go ahead and do what you want.”

I hope this little article answers some of your curiosity about the Red Light District!

 

Cruisin’ With the Queen!

Adventures With Attitude!, Cocktail Time, Events, Fabulous After 50, Sexy After 60!, Travel and Adventure

CRUISIN’ WITH THE QUEEN!

EXCITING NEWS! I am putting together a fabulous event, and YOU can be a part of it if you’d like!

Just about everything you need to know about the fun!

A CRUISE for my fantastic gal-pals! Whether we are “old friends”, new acquaintances, or have never met- you are certain to have the time of your life!  There will be more than just what the cruise-line offers!

If you have been to any of my events- you KNOW I go above and beyond to make sure you will leave with far more than your expectations met! After all, they don’t call me “The Queen” for nothing!

This 4 night cruise will take place in April 2019- (so you have PLENTY of time to work it in to your budget!)

We will leave San Diego April 29th 2019, cruise up to Victoria, then end up in Vancouver!

The cruise is on Holland America, the MS Eurodam!

Your 4 nights will include a group of fantastic women!
* Events to get to know each other better, a few light seminar/workshops while at sea.
* All your meals
*On board activites- both ship-sponsored and private to our group
*Workshop/seminars for our group (optional to you!)

*** After the cruise for those who would like to extend, we will be taking the train to Seattle for a 2 or 3 night stay there. After all- who DOESN’T want to see them throw fish around Pike’s Market????

Think you may be interested? Contact me, or my fabulous travel agent, Adele (her info is on the flyer attached!)

I will guarantee you, we will have an AMAZINGLY FUN adventure……….. or my name isn’t The Queen of Damn Near Everything!

You can check out the info below, or go directly to this link to register!

The Sound of Silence

Comedy, Fabulous After 50, Health = Happiness!, My Humble Opinion, Royal Ramblings!, Sexy After 60!, You Can't Make This Shit Up!

If you know me, you know that I love being pampered as much as the next girl!  In fact, earlier this evening Don and I went for a 90 minute massage.  We go pretty often.  Many would call me spoiled, and I don’t feel bad about it for a minute.

Nails, pedicures, facials…… I’m a regular at pretty much all of them.

So, of course, when I saw an article about the most “out there” spa treatments, I was sucked into reading it stat!

The idea of most of them left me cold (or hot- but not in a good way!) Treatments where they switch from freezing you to heating your body parts with hot volcanic rocks, within moments of one another.  People ringing little bells and making noises while you are having a massage. Metal bowls laid on your body, and sound vibrations being used to “calm you.”

Shammans, High Priestess’, detoxifications, Nature bathing, Chakra Clearing, Chants, Bell ringing……… the thrills go on and on.

The one that sounds like pure torture to me are the “silent spas.”  Holy shit- people go for 2 to 5 DAYS without anyone talking? I would be out of my fucking MIND with days of total silence.  Please, let me give birth to 12 elephants without an epidural before I have to sit around in complete silence!  Are these people training to be some sort of monks?  And for this people are paying good money?  Something is wrong with this scene! THE SOUND OF SILENCE…. A little bit goes a LONG way in my book!

Call me old fashioned, but my idea of pampering is to take my clothes off and have someone massage me. I don’t want Chatty Cathy working on me, but should I want to let her know I’d like a little more pressure, I want to be able to speak up and get it done the way I like it!

Bells ringing, vibrations vibrating, chakras being cleared, water being poured on my head, rattles, wind chimes and other assorted “hocus-pocus” are just not my cup of tea.

Boring.  Old fashioned. Dull. Call me what you want, but when I’m being pampered, I prefer things a little more subdued.  I don’t feel the need for the Shaman and his dancing band of thieves to show up and set up a show. I think my Chakras are doing, fine, thanks for asking.  I’ll keep the bells on the windchimes outdoors.

Give me a quiet room, a little bit of “Origami music” (check out my Origami music side story, which is at the end of this blog)  and if we are really going all out- a heated bed, and I’m a pretty darned happy camper.  I prefer  the “cozy” of a warm massage bed to the extremes of being frozen and heated to excess……

So, as I previously said-  Keep the bells, the Shamans, the dings and the dongs, the good vibrations (I’ll keep the vibrating to the privacy of my own bedroom, thank you very much).  Just get out the massage oil, a semi dark room, my man on the adjoining massage table, and let’s stick to the basics.

Keep it simple stupid!

If you’d like to read the article and see what you can have done, and where to find it- here goes: Most Out There Spa Treatment

SIDE STORY- As promised………

Now that I mentioned “Origami music” I feel the need to explain.  A number of years ago, I owned a gift ware company.  When we worked the gift shows, it was damned hard work- on your feet for 8+ hours straight, trying to write as many orders as possible to keep the company profitable.  I always took 2 other girlfriends with me to work the markets.

At the LA gift show they had chair massage set up.  I told the girls that if we made a certain goal that day, I’d spring for chair massage on our way out.  Sure enough, goal achieved we went to get the massage.  My friend Kim was one of the hardest working people EVER.  Always doing for others, but seldom doing anything for herself…….. So, as we all settle in our chair massage contraptions, and just start to relax, Kim says, in all seriousness…. “This is great, but we need a little of that Origami music.”

HUH?  Origami music? What is that, music to fold paper by?

To this day, I can’t hear “massage music” without thinking about it being “Origami music.” Thanks for about 20 years of laughs over that one Kim Hartley!

 

 

 

Queen for a Day Retreat is Coming!

Adventures With Attitude!, Cocktail Time, Entertaining, Events, Fabulous After 50, Health = Happiness!, Networking Event, Sexy After 60!, You Can't Make This Shit Up!

The first “Queen for a Day” retreat is coming soon, and you won’t want to miss this!

The theme is “Learn to Live Like Royalty.” February 24th 9:30-4:00 with an optional “Happy Hour” afterwards! All of the needed details are on the flyer above.

Speakers, Delicious food catered by Etoufee’ Cafe on Wheels, Spa Treatments, Vision Boarding and more- all geared toward YOU and you creating a life you love! There will be raffles, give-aways and swag bags worth over $50.00 for each woman attending!

This day is going to be more fun than you can shake a stick at! Girlfriends galore, and more information, fun and fabulous-ness than you will EVER be able to stand!

Space will be limited, so sign up now!

If 2018 is the year that you are determined to get your life on track, be more successful and enjoy your life SO much more- then you need to attend this fun filled event!

More details about our fabulous speakers and sponsors will follow soon!  Don’t miss out- get your reservation in soon!

I have places for only 2 sponsors left, so if you’d like to sponsor, contact me NOW! Only $300.00 and you get to bring a friend/colleague, whatever!

Go to eventbrite or contact Patti Phillips to sign up: https://queenforadayretreat.eventbrite.com

800-680-9133

Crickets……… Have You Heard The Crickets?

Cocktail Time, life, Sexy After 60!, Uncategorized

Crickets……… I apologize for the Crickets!

“Are you still writing your blog?”  “I haven’t seen any new articles in a few weeks.” “Where the hell IS the Queen of Damn Near Everything?”

Those are the questions I’ve heard more than a few times over the past few weeks.  You might wonder if The Queen took off to a new kingdom- or just what the hell has happened.

Life.

Life is what happened. All good.  (Mostly good, actually).  But life.  Life at “speed of light” living.  And something had to give, somewhere. So, unfortunately, it was this blog.

Sorry peeps!

We moved just after Labor Day.  A good thing.  A great thing actually.  But a TIME CONSUMING thing.  Moving isn’t for sissies.  Even if you are a Realtor and should know how to do this stuff. And those of you who are in my “inner circle” know how crazy life is at the best of times.  we had out of town company right before the move, so we couldn’t do much packing. Then, of course, I don’t like to shut down my regularly scheduled life, so I continued to have my little parties and events I do monthly, such as Bunko, right up until days before the move……..Which leads to craziness when the actual move happened.

We had my stuff, Don’s stuff and too damned much stuff.

And, to add to the Melee, (Is that the word?  Is that A word?)Long before the move was planned, a vacation was planned.  To Cabo. For a week.  One week to the day after our move.

Great in some ways, because I had been averaging about 3 hours sleep for 6 weeks straight.  From the day we went into escrow, I’d hit the bed, and then by 1:30 AM be awake thinking of all the stuff that needed to be done for the move, and by 3 AM, I’d bound out and start moving at the pace of a chimpanzee on crack, never stopping for a minute until I fell into bed about 11 PM.

That being said, the vacation actually probably saved me from physical ruin.

A few days after we return from vacation, Don manages to break his foot. (THAT is another story for another day, trust me!) So, on top of trying to get a house in order, we now have to deal with a guy who is supposed to stay completely off his foot until they can get around to surgery.  Two weeks after the break we have surgery…………..So now, the guy who picks up so much of my slack by running here, running there, picking up this, helping out here……… is pretty much confined to sitting with his leg up. Leaving me with a LOT less time in my schedule.

But will I let that stop me?  HELL NO!  I still forge ahead with the important things in life.  Planning my first bunko party in the new house.  Planning our housewarming party. Putting on a dinner party for my Kiwanis group….  And work.  Work just doesn’t stop.  OH HELL NO!  Real estate has been as busy as EVER! So, just when you think you have a full day to unpack, organize, decorate or whatever, someone calls and off you go…… showing property.

Then, added to moving, broken legs, entertaining and making a new home, the “new home” pipes up.  If you have ever moved, you may be familiar with this phenomenon.  I don’t know if it has a name, but I know it happens, sure as the sun rises. Houses somehow KNOW when you move into them, and they decide to immediately ACT UP! Although an appliance may have been inspected before purchase of the house, although things all look fine and dandy before purchasing, WHAM, the house wants to see how much you REALLY love it by making things stop working properly, at seemingly break neck speed right after you move in. It kind of makes me think of a toddler who wants to test if you REALLY love them, by testing you every minute.

So, the first time we have the kids and a few friends over, we turn on the spa.  We’d been using the spa basically every night since move in, with no problems. We turn it on that evening and the water just drains out of the spa within seconds.  HUH?  A repair of a major part. Of course.

Then we have my Kiwanis group over for a party.  We have hired a caterer and she arrives, turns on the oven (first time since we’d moved in) and WHAP!  Blam, pow……. smoke, sparks, zap and no electrical panel now.  Of course, when the home warranty repairman arrives, he tells me there is nothing wrong with the oven.  (He has continued to tell me that the other two times I’ve had them come out…. again, another story for another day.)

And Real Estate. As I said, busy as hell. And none of the transactions I’ve dealt with have just gone down smoothly.  HELL NO!  There has been some sort of “challenge” (read as pain-in-the-ass) involved in every damned one of them.

AND, I’ve also been involved in selling my own home AND overseeing a home upgrade for a client, so I could get that house on the market for the best price.

To top it all off, my 60th birthday was Monday (November 13th for those of you who want to put it in your calendar for next year.  Send gifts.  Lots of them.  I like gifts.)  Needless to say, I’m having the big wing-ding party for my 60th, because, damn it, I’m worth it.  So, that happened Saturday night.  The band, the FABULOUS new dress. The DELICIOUS chocolate mousse cake, the out of town company……I even had a “signature Martini at the event. The Patti-tini!  (What else?) It was absolutely EPIC and SO much fun!  (Stay tuned, you WILL be subjected to pictures!)

I can now OFFICIALLY use my category of Sexy After 60! YIPPEE!  And did I score with the fun, all the way around!  Gifts, family, friends, fun, fun, fun!

That being said, this explains full well why all you have heard from me is crickets.  But I’m back!

Don’t forget about me! I didn’t forget about you! Tell your friends about this blog.  I’m only asking for you to personally share it with 100 of your closest friends.  Easy peasy!  You can do that for a fabulous friend like me, right?

Stay tuned. I have travel stuff to share. Before and after decorating stuff to share. Broken foot stories to share. There is a lot up in this noggin’ of mine to share with you.

 

You Can’t Always Trust “BOB”

Comedy, Fabulous After 50, Mimsy Whimsy, Serious Shit, Sexuality, Sexy After 60!, Uncategorized, You Can't Make This Shit Up!
Spying Vibrator

Spying Vibrator! Watch out ladies!

You can’t always trust BOB  (Battery Operated Boyfriend)

A friend of mine mentioned to me that she doesn’t need a boyfriend.  She already has BOB.  BOB it seems, is a battery operated boyfriend.  (For those of you who are really slow, this is a vibrator.)  I thought that a great play on words.  After all, men can let you down, but BOB won’t.  Right???

Wrong!  It turns out that not only could BOB let you down, but he could severely disappoint you.  Make you feel the fool.  Use and abuse you!  You might wonder how in the world THAT could be possible?

The big story broke in the news mid-March.  Evidently, the company who makes a vibrator known as the We-Vibe got caught spying on their buyers’ personal vibrator use!  Yep, that’s right people!  You could buy this vibrator, and then download an app which allowed it to be turned on through your smart phone remotely or whatever you wanted…..

Let’s recap this.  If you haven’t seen this vibrator, it’s a little c-shaped number, that I guess clamps right into the ol’ vagina and on your clit.  So, I’m not understanding this.  Are women walking around with this thing, and just for shits and giggles the hubby hits the on button from his smart phone while he’s busting it out earning a buck at the office?  I’m pretty damn forward thinking sexually, but this whole thing just isn’t making sense to me…..Maybe one of you who read this blog will fill me in, because I’m a bit mystified here. Truly I am….. I just can’t imagine that I’m going to spend my day hooked up to my little We vibrator………  I mean, wouldn’t it just want to fall out?  Now THAT could be an embarrassing moment in your day.

Clit-Gate… Someone’s Watching!

So, as the story goes, the folks that be, at We Vibe’s parent company, Standard Innovation, went into the records of all the sexually active users, to determine how long and at what frequency said customers used their little sex toys. You could think of this as “Clit-Gate.” The app was called We-Connect.  I guess that people didn’t realize that the WE who would be connecting was going to be the manufacturer, checking in on YOUR vagina! This is worse than the spying Russians! Worse than the spying microwaves!  These spys are right in your bedroom, and hooked up to your Va- Jay-Jay!  It doesn’t get any more personal than this!  The only spy I’ve know who was this intimate was James Bond, and he had to at least don a tuxedo and talk his way into a ladies bedroom before he turned on the “spy mode!”

You’ve Can’t Trust These New-fangled inventions!

Interesting Data Research Project…

Now THAT must have been some interesting data research going on there!  Can’t you see it?  “Hey boss, Mary Smith in Wasco, Illinois uses her vibrator 8 times a day, for an average of 16 minutes each time.  Do you think I could google her, and give her a call?  I’m all about helping out a girl in need!”

So, however the beans got spilled, the powers that be found out that women’s clits all over the United States were being spied on, without their knowledge, and it resulted in a HUGE settlement from the sex toy manufacturer.

A New Meaning to The Phrase “Your Money-Maker”

In fact, if it turns out that you are one of the people who downloaded this app, it was worth a whopping $10000.00 to you!  Holy Shit!  I’d have bought one of these puppies had I known I could use the money maker to make this kind of money!

And if it turns out that you bought the We-vibe, but didn’t download the app, so your sweetie could turn you on remotely?  Still worth $199.00 buck-a-roos.  Not bad. I guess it’s about the amount these things cost when you purchased them, so they are paying you back for their fuck up.  Good deal, you can still use the original We-Vibe, and visit the sex store to buy some new sex enhancing items.

Just watch what you download on them, you never know who might be watching!  Just in case you think I might make this shit up- here is an article to prove that I am a girl of my word! Google and you will find numerous other articles discussing the lawsuit.  Interesting reading, for those nights you don’t have BOB to entertain you……

Meanwhile,  I think I’ll just stick with the good ol’ fashioned boyfriend that I have at home, and forget the new fangled, remote controlled BOB!

Afternote on this blog.  I looked up to see how you are supposed to use this wonder of sexuality.  It turns out, the “spy factory” produced a film.  If you want a REAL laugh, I’d suggest you watch the “how to” film.  The use of this object is only more mystifying to me at this point.  Between the petting the couple are doing to each other, and the hand used to exemplify a woman’s vagina……. I am thoroughly confused.  And Amused…….. (We-Vibe How To Video)

And To All, A Good Night!

Cocktail Time, Events, Fabulous After 50, Sexy After 60!, Uncategorized

Blog Launch Party Recap!

Don & Patti

My man, Don, always so supportive of my endeavors! Notice, the “signature cocktail” provided by our venue, Green Dragon Tavern!

My two “besties”- Stella & Linda, worked like bees helping me to make the whole event a success!

The official Queen of Damn Near Everything Blog Launch Party took place Thursday evening, May 11th. I think I can say with absolute certainty, a Good Night was had by all who attended!

It was a fun filled event, held at the Green Dragon Tavern & Museum in Carlsbad. They let us use the upper bar area, which was very spacious and lovely.  Our servers took great care of us, and the food was all delicious!  I told their event coordinator, Kelsy that I am known for a signature martini at all my events, so they created “The Queens Cocktail” just for our event, and were even so gracious as to give us happy hour pricing on them!  Yummy Blood Orange Martinis, which were out of this world.  How can you beat that? (The added benefit, of COURSE, was knowing that we were all getting our vitamin C from the fresh orange puree!  I do what I can for the healt of my friends!)

Sparkley Crown Cookies by JuJuBee’s Desserts

Did Someone Say Shopping?

Purses, Jewelry and Tiaras!

A girl can’t have too much bling!

I think she is SHOCKED at the great prices!

Every girl needs to have a tiara, or two, or more!

This was not just the launch for my blog, but also the debut of my new line of jewelry, purses and tiaras!  My line is called The Crown Jewels, and quite a large number of ladies enjoyed shopping amidst the eating and revelry!

The Queen, telling a bit about the blog, and upcoming events

There were a few VERY lucky ladies at the event!  I had a lot of raffle prizes, and as always seems to happen, a few of the ladies proved to be VERY LUCKY that evening.  Sandy Rau and Wendy Rippee each won 3 raffle gifts.  Judee Tieger won 2!

Judee Tieger, who owns JuJuBee’s Desserts provided beautiful pink sparkley crown cookies with my logo on them. The kicker was the huge pewter 3 tiered tray she brought to serve them on!  It was, indeed regal!

Friends, You Can’t Beat ‘Em!

Vicki, Wendy & Stella

Patti & Kathe- a talented professional who produces her own podcast. Our regal cookies in the background!

The attendees proved to be a diverse crowd!  Friends from my Good Ol’ Gals networking group, my Lakeshore Gardens neighbors, friends I’ve known through business, my besties, my daughter and my many, friends of friends and more.  I truly appreciated the support and love felt in the room!

Girls Just Wanna’ Have Fun!

Barb- holding court it seems!

My daughter, Alyse (on the right) and her friend since birth, Kaitlin. (She’s my daughter from another mother!) Even the youngin’s were in attendance!

Marianne, Patti & BJ

Nancy, so sweet to come to my event!

Stella is always “Miss photgenic!” Don’t we all have one of THOSE friends????

Eloise- Yes, there will probably be swearing involved! Sorry love!

We did a survey to assess what future events the ladies might like, so some of those adventures are in the works right now!

Last, but certainly not least, Don, who was our official event photographer!

Stay tuned to see what comes up!  You won’t want to miss the action!

Blog Launch Party is Almost Here!

Cocktail Time, Entertaining, Events, Fabulous After 50, Sexy After 60!, Uncategorized
The Queen of Damn Near Everything!

Patti Phillips, The Queen of Damn Near Everything!

The “Big Day” is almost here!  This Thursday, May 11th is our “The Queen of Damn Near Everything” blog launch party!  This is going to be a fantastic event!

Where Is It?

The Green Dragon Tavern & Museum, 6115 Paseo Del Norte, Carlsbad, CA

When Is It?

Thursday, May 11th

4:30-6:30 PM

What Is It?

What in the world is going to happen at this spectacularly fun event you may ask?

I’m a gonna tell you right here! Fun! That’s what!  We will be having appetizers (which are included with your $12.00 ticket price), no host drinks, LOTS of great raffles to amazing things like massages, facials, museum tickets, gift cards, cute shit, free stuff and more! There is also going to be a chance to shop, (and who doesn’t LOVE to shop!

Shop for WHAT you may ask?  Bling.  Pure Bling.  Blingy purses, tiaras, jewelry, hair art. So, if you are lacking in BLING at your house, bring your wallet.  Bring your credit card.  DON’T bring your first born.  I don’t want them.  I have enough of my own……

What Should I Know About It?

What else do you need to know about the day, you might just ask?  Well, you CAN bring a friend, two friends, 16 friends………… They will have fun, and you’ll be my hero.

HOWEVER, if you could take a little minute or two to let me know they are coming, that would be most helpful.  We DO want to have enough of the afore mentioned food on hand, after all…

RSVP’s for the event, prepaid is nice.  Prepaid is only $12.00.  At the door is $15.00.  For the difference you’ll pay, you can almost buy a drink.  Or a pair of cute earrings. Or a mini tiara.  Get your priorities right sister.  These things add up!

You might be asking if MEN can attend.  Yes, men can attend.  They are going to be scarce, but there are a few planning on it.  One very smart single man is planning to attend.  He’s a SMART single man!  I know HIS ulterior motive!

The REALLY Important Stuff…..

Now this is the REALLY important stuff.  To win more great stuff, your chances are much greater when you have more tickets in the raffle… DUH!  How do you get more raffle tickets, so that you might enjoy a massage, a facial, pampering, dinner out at a restaurant?  SUBSCRIBE TO MY BLOG before the event.

Upon check in you’ll get 5 EXTRA RAFFLE TICKETS! Bring a friend (who isn’t already on my email list) and you’ll get 5 MORE RAFFLE TICKETS! Imagine all of the great items you will win!

Or, you can purchase raffle tickets at the event……. In any case, you will be having a fantastic time, you’ll meet new friends and business advocates, you’ll be eating scrumptious  food AND you will weigh in on upcoming events that the Queen of Damn Near Everything will be putting on in months to come!

To sign up, go to my  Eventbrite page, and sign up NOW, or contact me personally and I can take your cash or credit card!

YOU WON’T WANT TO MISS THIS GREAT EVENING!

The “Belles” of the Ball!

Cocktail Time, Entertaining, Sexy After 60!
"Belle" Patti & Stella the Greek!

“Belle” Patti & Stella the Greek!

The “Belles” of the Ball!

The minute I heard that the new Beauty and the Beast movie was coming out, I knew I had to plan something special!  You can’t let an opportunity for something this exciting just slip on by, without making “an event” of it, now can you?  After all, it had been about 3 weeks since the release of “50 Shades Darker” and we had a fantastic time doing THAT up right at my friend Stella K’s home, so we were DEFINITELY due for a bit of fun with this one! The idea was quickly hatched for a “Belle Ball” tea and movie day!

Me Dressed Up as Belle

Me Dressed Up as Belle

I planned an afternoon tea.  My dining table seats 10 comfortably, 12 if you squeeze.  So, I figured I’d invite 14, and end up with 10 or 12.  Great planning, except a few girlfriends asked if they could bring a friend, and I’m never one to leave someone out of the fun……. So we ended up with 14 in the end!  You should have seen me scrambling to figure out how to add 2 more places to my dining table.  But, remember the old saying about creative minds, and all that!  With Stella’s help, we figured out that one of my end tables was just about the right height. That, and a few pieces of cardboard, and a piece of plywood from Home Depot, and Viola’- a table for 14 we now had!  I just didn’t want to split my friends into 2 groups, so although we were a bit smooshed, by God, it worked!

The table, extended as far as possible!

What Does a “Belle” Wear?

I instructed the ladies to wear their ball gowns, tiaras, or whatever apparel THEY felt was right for Beauty and the Beast.  Then I went about finding myself a gown worthy of Belle herself!  I ordered the prettiest “Belle” costume I could find, then worked on  making it prettier.  It arrived with some weird pink ribbon rosebuds on it.  Belle doesn’t have pink ribbon rosebuds, for God’s sake!  So, off they came, then  I added yellow roses, strands of pearls, tulle netting, more roses, more pearls, a hoop slip, gloves a tiara, and dammit I may be the oldest living “Belle” on the face of the earth, but it turned out pretty darned well!

I decided to go with an Easter theme for my table, since I already had Easter decorations out at my house. I found the cutest darned “bunny” plates in pink and blue at the 99 cent store……… so pastels and bunnies it was!

The ladies arrived, and let me tell you, it’s not every Tuesday afternoon at 1:30 that your friends show up in ball gowns, mother-of-the-bride gowns, tiaras, prom dresses and such! What fun it was!

3 of my “Fabulous After 50” Girlfriends!

If I do pat myself on the back, my tea was an amazing success, and the food was awesome.  I’ll share some recipes later.  The first I’ll share will be my “signature” martini I made for the day.  I called it a “Emerald Tiara” and it was enjoyed by all who partook! (Keep your eyes peeled for the recipe!  I’ll be posting it soon!)

I had happened upon an estate sale with some beautiful teacups, teapots and other tea items. They became my party favors. I let each woman draw a number to pick out which gift they would like.

Party Favors for the Belle Ball Tea

Party Favors for the Belle Ball Tea

Making New Friends – Getting to Know You!

We had placecards,  so that the lovely ladies ended up sitting next to someone they didn’t know well, and would have the opportunity to make a new friend. I SO hate it when you are at a party and only get to talk to the person on each side of you!  I like a little “table conversation” which everyone takes part in. I asked each lady around the table to tell us something about themselves that no one might know, and they had to share how they ended up at our Beauty & the Beast party.  My friend Stella and I like to mix up our little parties, and invite new people whenever we can, so that it doesn’t get old and worn out!  This was a great example of that!  Lots of new faces, and ALL so dolled up!

The “Belle Ball” ladies, just before the movie

After tea, the ladies got their movie bags I had made for them, which included a bit of “Naked Popcorn” and candy, and off to the movies we went!  We LOVED the movie!  And let me tell you, the little girls at the movie LOVED that we were all so dressed up!

My favorite part of the movie expedition was one little girl, probably about 6 who came up to me in the lobby and said, “I think you are beautiful.  Maybe you could sell crowns like yours out front, so that little girls could each have one.  Then, you could go to birthday parties and make every little girl SO happy.”  So, there you have it!  I have a new career in the wings, if need be!  And this proves, you are NEVER too old to play dress up! It is so much fun to put on another persona for a few hours!  Don’t worry about what people will say when you step out of “the norm!”  We had positive feedback from everyone around us, and we all felt like a “queen for a day!”