Really Wayne Brady?
Really Wayne? Is this the best you’ve got for those people who have been your fans for years? Where is the funny guy, the friendly guy, the personable guy we all think of when we see Wayne Brady? I just have to ask!
Last weekend, my daughter Alyse, her friend Liza and myself took the hike up to LA to be on Let’s Make a Deal.
Now, if you know me, I’m ALL about putting together costumes! I have, literally, dozens and dozens of costumes in totes in the top of my closet. If you can think it up, I probably have a costume for it.
We decided to go as the Three Blind Mice. When I do a costume, I do it up to the last detail. We had mouse tummies, mouse ears, mouse bow-ties, mouse tails, mouse “canes”, sunglasses. Sayings printed on the back of our costumes, and great 2 sided signs, with oh-so-clever sayings…….. If that doesn’t get you chosen for Let’s Make a Deal, what would, right?
The Wait Begins………
So, if you’ve never been to one of the TV game shows, let me tell you, this is a LONG and drawn out affair! It starts with the reservation to go up there, then when you get there, you stand in line to prove you are supposed to be in the audience. You have to show your reservation and your ID. Then you go through a security check and metal detector…….. after that the wait starts.
You are handed a clipboard, with about 8 pages of small print. You fill that in and wait. And wait. And wait. There are various people you connect with to get your ID scanned, paperwork checked out, nametags, numbers, blah, blah, blah…….
We were aware that they are checking you out the whole time to see if you are “fun material” for TV, so we kept the fun-a-coming….. the happy attitudes in check and the cuteness factor just oozing from our bodies for every damned minute…… hour (and seemingly day and week).
The thing that amazed me was the amount of people who come into this process WITH NO COSTUME! Yep! You can rent them there. Now, silly me….. the way I would do this thing would be to look at who really made an effort at a costume, made it fun, made it creative — and they would be at the top of the “people to choose” list. Evidently, not so, as you will soon see!
At the end of the long and tedious line, you are pulled off into a little section at the end of the room with about 20 people, where one of the producers goes around, asks your name, what you do, etc…….. then into the holding tank you go, with all of those who are going to be on the show that day.
You’d think they might give you a clue, such as, “The bus to the studio will be boarding approximately “blah-blah” time, or “15 minutes after the last contestants get through their interview” or “when hell freezes over” or “when you die of old age” or “once Bettie White is no longer the most popular female in the US.” Uh, no. No hint. You are a bit scared to go off to the potty, because it’s out the door, down and around the building, and up on a trailer full of porta’ potties. (Seriously? They can’t even give you a REAL bathroom here at the Let’s Make a Deal holding pen? Let me tell you, on a day that hovered in the 80’s with more damn humidity than is legal in Cali’- this was not a pleasant experience.) So, you don’t know if they might call everyone while you are porta’ pottying it, and you might miss the whole damn show! And, when you are one of the 3 Blind Mice, you miss it, and the rest of the gang is also kinda’ shit outta’ luck for their costume ensemble…..
A little information for the masses would be nice you execs in charge of Let’s Make a Deal. Just sayin!
So, it’s once you are put into the “holding pen” that those who need to can rent a costume. These aren’t great costumes. Not by any stretch. A lot of “Hawaiian Shirt and plastic lei” type of stuff. Santa and Santa’s helper. With “Santa” consisting of the Santa top & hat, no beard, no Santa pants or boots…… Very basic, not-a-real-costume type of costume…
And the wait goes on…..and on….. and on……
We kept up our happy-as-fuck little effervescent attitudes, however, because we KNEW we were being judged each and every moment. Once 3 separate people gave us our marching orders (all 3 speeches were basically the same, BTW!) We were told that, indeed, we were being watched moment by moment, both now and throughout the show, until the very last moment, and we needed to keep our enthusiasm til the end, act excited if we won a prize, even if we hated it more than our mother-in-law, don’t touch Wayne Brady in any way, unless he gave explicit consent, and don’t chew gum…… we finally were herded into buses to go to the studio.
Upon getting to the studio, we were then herded into a sort of hallway to sit until further notice. Again, a bit of information would be nice. Information such as how long we might be there, if/when and where we could go to the bathroom, etc. Of course, the moment my daughter wandered off to the bathroom they started us moving inside, giving the other 2 members of the “blind mice” ensemble a moment of panic.
It might be nice before they DO herd you into the studio to tell you you WON’T be able to get a drink of water, or go to the bathroom for the next 2 hours or more……… HOLY GOD, is that too much to ask? Heads up here people, do what you have to do, and you have this much time to do it in……… NOPE!
Then the fun, and the disappointment begins.
Once they seat us in the studio, there is yet another speech (#4 for those of you who have stopped counting). This speech reiterates the same content which was gone over repeatedly before boarding the bus. I DO fully understand, that some of the people in said audience are not rocket scientist….. but SERIOUSLY? This isn’t LIVE TV, and if someone really F’s up, they CAN edit it out……
“His Royal Highness” Arrives!
Then “his highness” arrives on the set. We are all prepared for the moment. When Wayne Brady enters, the first person he calls up is a gal who isn’t even IN a costume. SERIOUSLY? WTF? She was cute, and did win a motorcycle, so we were all pleased for her. When it’s time for a commercial break, Wayne strolls out, no interaction in ANY WAY with the audience. Not a wave, not a smile, not a joke, nothing! We, however, stand up and, as Liza put it, “dance like monkeys” the whole commercial break, because that’s how they told us they choose people for the segments. It was like rinse, and repeat for the rest of the taping of the show. Almost everyone chosen for the show was- are you ready?…… wearing one of the IDIOTIC RENTAL COSTUMES!
There was one costume that was UBER popular in the audience. This was a hat type device which looked like a milk carton, and your face became the face on the milk carton. There were at least 7 people in the audience with that clever $5.00 costume. There were 3 “rainbow unicorns.” 90% of the costumes were easy-peasy purchased costumes We had the only hand held signs in the whole audience. No notice of that! We had accessories! We had cuteness! We had creativity! All that, on top of our sparkling personalities the whole frickin’ day! And none of us were called!
There was one gal in our “group” who did get called up front. We were so happy for her! She was a kind of Sandra Bullock look-alike, and very friendly. Her costume was a slot machine, and she had personalized it with Wayne Brady phrases on it. Alyse called it early on that she would get chosen, and we were excited to see her do well.
Wayne Brady……. Not So Much……
But the worst part of the experience? Wayne Brady. Wayne Brady and his lack of interaction with anyone in the audience. He didn’t actually even ACKNOWLEDGE us in any way shape or form! Other than 2 funny bits he did while the camera was rolling with guys on stage and in the audience, none of us existed. We were simple “props”, and not worthwhile human beings.
Wayne, Wayne, Wayne……. I’ve loved you since I saw the first Who’s Line is it Anyway…. but I’ll never feel the same about you. Bummer! I don’t think a bit of kindness to the people in the audience would have been too much to ask from you. Wayne actually came right in front of us in the audience, to get to the woman they were choosing for “the big deal”. No eye contact, not a hello, not a hi five…… in fact, I don’t think he knew we were humans he raced in front of.
Wayne, you pompous little ass! You hadn’t been standing in line all day. You hadn’t been in the holding pen for hours. I’m pretty damned sure YOU hadn’t missed lunch. You weren’t dying of thirst and needing a bathroom. Would a little hand wave, a few hugs, maybe a little joke or two have killed you? What’s the deal, Wayne? Did you forget the people who put in in front making the big bucks? Our relationship is officially over now you chump! I’m embarrassed for you and your lack of simple kindness and compassion to the people who came to see you. Nice suit, by the way.