Stuff I Know………..
I’m the Queen of Damn Near Everything, and that means I MUST know some stuff. I have some things I’m pretty damned good at, some things I’m not so good at, and some things I frankly suck at. (Singing would be one of the things I suck at, and that REALLY makes me mad. If I could only carry a tune, I’d be an AMAZING singer. I have no doubt about it! I’m frankly amazed that I wasn’t given a fabulous singing voice! You all would be able to enjoy listening to me any time you wanted! I wouldn’t be one of those assholes who have a great voice, who don’t want to sing in front of others! Hell NO! I’d share anywhere, and everywhere, so help me God!)
That being said, I decided I’d make a little list of stuff that I know- just 10 of them for now. If you don’t yet know these things- you should. Trust me. This is shit to live your life by! You do it, and who knows, you might just end of the Queen of Kinda-Sorta Damn Near Everything!
So here goes:
- Dress in what makes you comfortable. I seldom wear pants or slacks. I’m just more comfortable in a dress, and that’s what I choose to wear. People often say, “You are overdressed.” “What are you so dressed up for?” Do I give a shit if that’s what they think? (I’m often thinking, “Geez, could you put a little effort in to your outfit?”—- But do I say that? No. I’m comfortable in my choice. I have to assume they are comfortable in theirs. When I’m having a party and people ask,”What should we wear?, I tell them, “Look, I won’t tell you what to wear, and you don’t tell me what to wear.” I don’t really care what they wear. If they want to wear shorts, wear shorts. If they want to wear an evening gown, a cape and a tiara…….. great…… just don’t compete with mine! Again……. Dress in what makes you comfortable, and don’t let anyone make you feel like it’s not right. You are a grown ass adult. You can wear what you want. Screw ’em if they don’t like it!
2. Do more of what makes you happy. When I was going through my last divorce…… (don’t ask what number it is, because when you find out it’s #3 you will judge me) I decided that I was going to improve my life DRAMATICALLY. I had been working too hard, having too little fun and had WAY too little money. So, I made a list of what I wanted in my life, and what I didn’t want. That was the beginning of me “Living a Royal Life.” It didn’t happen overnight, but bit by bit, day by day my life changed. It changed because I focused on Doing more of what makes me happy! And, I’m about as happy as a person can fucking be! It works! Trust me, if you make the decision to do it, you can make it happen. No one else can do it for you! (Travel. I believe there is no better money spent than in traveling. Traveling and exploring are right at the tip-top of my “happiness list.” There is no added charge for this bonus tip………)
3. In everything, moderation. Anything, to excess is not healthy. I’ve seen people who won’t eat anything processed, any sugar, any this, any that. And they look like they just got out of a prison war camp and they are ready to die any moment. They don’t look healthy, they don’t act happy, they don’t look quite right. They have “gone healthy” to excess and it doesn’t look good on them. MODERATION PEOPLE! With anything in life, don’t go too extreme one way or the other. Religion, politics, booze, drugs, parenting…….. You’ve got to relax a bit and not let things go too extreme, no matter what you are dealing with. Moderation.
The best example of this I know is my friend Stella. Stella is the most beautiful 73 year old you will ever know. She’s got a great, slim figure. (For God’s sake, for our 70’s party last summer she wore a bright orange, green and yellow plaid suit she MADE in the 70’s and it fit her like she bought it yesterday! Who the hell can do that?) Stella is a vegetarian and eats very healthy. Yet, she is NEVER that person who expects something special to be made or served for her. You would probably never even KNOW she’s a vegetarian, because she doesn’t go spewing it to everyone, every minute. AND, when she’s been at my dinner parties, she will try one of the ribs, or a bit of the meat lasagna. Stella’s theory is that she eats the right way about 85% of the time, and when she’s out or at a party she splurges a bit. This is a great example of “in everything, moderation.” She looks great. She feels great. And she has the ability to have fun and enjoy life, without making herself, or anyone around her miserable!
4. Find a Tribe. What do we mean by a “tribe?” Your tribe is a group of people you consider your friends, and who have your back. As women, especially, you need a group of people you can count on. Women get so wrapped up in taking care of their family, home, business, etc. that many forget to take care of themselves. It is SO important to get out, have some fun, act silly and laugh. You also need to know that there are people who are there to see you through life’s challenges. If you don’t have a “tribe” you need to grow one and propagate one. They will make your life EVER so much better!
5. Find time to play. Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of being so busy with life, so busy with making a living, so busy raising your family, so busy taking care of your house and so busy taking care of others that you don’t have fun. Without fun in your life you can’t do all the previously mentioned “jobs” nearly as well. Remember the old saying, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?” There is more truth to that than not. Don’t know where to begin? Figure out a movie you’d like to see, decide a time you are going to see it, and if you can rally someone to go with, take them along. If not…. go alone and sit for 2 hours doing something for you……….. Then build on it from there. (Hint: Not sure who to get to go along with you? If you are on Facebook, try a post- “I’m going on Monday at 7 to see Blah, blah, blah movie. Anyone else want to go?” You’ll probably be amazed how many other people would love to jump in and make it a party! AND be SO happy you thought of it!)
6. Realize that 90% of what you worry about never happens. Stop laying in bed worrying and playing the “what if” game. What if…. I lose my job…. What if my husband leaves me…….. What if we can’t pay the mortgage……. What if my kids don’t turn out right…. What if, what if, what if, what if. Well, I’ve been there when there has been no money. I’ve been there when “the worst” has happened. I’ve been there when someone I love died. I’ve been there when I had to get a divorce, didn’t have a cent to my name, had terrible credit, had to figure out how to move out, had to worry about if I’d have the next month’s rent, had to worry about how to pay the next car payment. But guess what? Worrying about it didn’t help. And a LOT of the things I used to worry about never came to pass. As soon as I decided to stop worrying about them, and living my life in a positive way, things turned around. How did I stop laying awake worrying? I decided to create positive plans, which fill my mind and give me something to be excited about. An example, when I had finally just moved out from my ex, had a place and still wasn’t sure what to do for money, I started planning fun things with girlfriends. I couldn’t buy new clothing, so I started having “clothing swaps” where girlfriends brought all their unworn clothes, shoes and accessories. They also brought their own booze and some food to share. A free party to put on. I ended up with new clothes, which made me feel better immediately and everyone had fun. My mind would then fill with the details of who was coming, how I was going to lay it out, etc. and no time for me to lay awake worrying…………When you fill your mind with fun details about things that excite you in life, there is no time for the worries to creep in!
7. Live in gratitude. Realize that no matter WHERE you are in this life journey, you have SO much to be grateful for. In the United States, even the worst of us live better than many around the world. When we went to West Africa a few months back, we saw village, after village, after village of people who existed in 10 x 12 shacks, with no bathrooms, no showers, no furniture. Yet they were smiling and happy. I don’t know of anyone living in situations any worse than I saw there. While your life may not be perfect right now, think about what you DO have. When you focus on the positive, you will attract more positive into your life. When I complain, I try to stop and remind myself, “These are champagne problems.” Many of our problems are just that. Be thankful for a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and sunshine you can enjoy! The roof doesn’t need to be a mansion, the clothes don’t have to be Gucci and the sunshine doesn’t need to be on a beach in Tahiti! You still can be in gratitude for what you have!
8. Don’t save things “for a special occasion.” We’ve all seen those people. The ones that die and the pretty candles have gone unburned. The “special” china was never used. The prettiest dress in their closet, unworn. The silver carefully polished, but not ever used. WHY? What are they waiting for? “A special occasion.” WHAT special occasion? Tomorrow is not promised my friends. EVERY day is special. EVERY day can be a party. I have a sweet friend who asked me if I might want to have her mom’s “special china.” It is the white china with a gold rim. I have, somehow, with 3 marriages and about 1,000 parties under my belt, never gotten around to buying “good china.” I jumped at the chance. She brought it to me and showed me that the box had been sent over from Japan when her mother, Japanese, married her father in the war. THE BOXES HAD NEVER BEEN OPENED since then! Don’t you wonder what occasion mom was waiting for to use the china? Why did she want to give it to me? Because she knows, I USE the “special stuff” all the time! A few years back, I was putting my silver flatware away after a party, and suddenly thought, “why am I only using this for parties? What am I saving it for?” I had 4 sets of beautiful silver flatware. My kids are never going to want it! If I wear out one set, I can start to use the others! So I took my stainless flatware out of the drawer, and put in the silver. Friends are constantly amazed when they see me load it in the dishwasher. “You can’t do that! Silver can’t be put in the dishwasher!” REALLY? I’ve been putting mine in daily for about 5 years and I don’t see any problem. AND, I’ve never had to polish it since I use it daily. (I”m willing to bet that my silver flatware is happier than YOUR silver flatware, because it gets to be used EVERY DAY!) I just picked up a St. John knit that still had the new tags on it at a resale shop. I can’t help but wonder……. who the hell pays over $2,000 for an outfit, then never wears it? Were they waiting for “the right occasion”- then died before that occasion happened? Hell, I scooped it up, and wore it to volunteer usher! Going to see a play FREE is a special occasion in my book! People, tomorrow may not happen. Unpack that china. Fucking USE it for every day! (Except if it has the metallic rim, you can’t microwave on that stuff!) Get out that beautiful dress and wear it to the next party you are invited to. Don’t have a party to go to? Throw one then! Don’t have money to throw a party? Make it a potluck. (And use the damned china for the potluck!) Don’t you deserve a “special occasion” every day? I know I do!
9. People are going to talk about you. Yep, some are! That’s just the way it works. Who gives a flying fuck? They may say you are stuck up, or fat, or this, or that. WHO CARES? If you are too perfect,they will talk. If you make too much money, they will talk. If you are in perfect shape, they will talk. If you put on a pound, they will talk. If you find the perfect man, they will talk. If your business fails, they will talk. On and on and on. The haters are gonna’ hate. BECAUSE THAT’S WHO THEY ARE! I find that in many cases, the reason they are talking is because their life is NOTHING to crow about! If they don’t feel good about themselves, they sure as hell aren’t going to feel good about you. This bullshit has nothing to do with you girlfriend! Even IF they dig up some dirt about you, and spread it around, so what? So what? Hold your head up, go about your business, and LIVE A ROYAL LIFE! You are the only one responsible for your life. Just live it and forget the haters. Let them wallow in the mud of their ugly little lives. Keep calm and wear your tiara!
10. When someone compliments you, accept the compliment. For the love of Jesus, when somebody gives you a compliment, can you PLEASE just say thank you? Please don’t tell them how old the garment is, or how awful you really look, or how fat you are. Just say, “Thank you!” If you want, add, “Aren’t you kind?” or “Aren’t you sweet!” But STOP refusing the compliment! Oh my goodness! Daily I compliment people, and the reactions I get from them amaze me. You get these skeptical frowns, as if saying, “Why did she REALLY say that?” Women go on and on about how old the garment is, how they really don’t look good, blah, blah, blah……… SHUT UP ALREADY! Take the compliment, soak it in, realize it was meant to be nice, and move on. And by the way…. stop being a bitch and when you see another woman who looks great, or has well mannered children, or has achieved something in business, or her hair looks great, or did a great job serving you, or has a beautiful smile or complexion…..take a minute and give her a genuine compliment. You just may make her day or week! You never know how far that compliment may go to help another sister’s self confidence! And you might be amazed how it actually boost YOU too!
There are so many simple things you can do to “Live a Royal Life.” This is not even the tip of the iceberg!
Remember, Stay Calm and Wear Your Tiara!